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When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Children Like
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Children Like
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Children Like
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Children Like
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Children Like
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Children Like
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Children Like
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mom or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Children Like
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Children Like
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Children Like
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Children Like
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Children Like
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Children Like
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Children Like
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Children Like
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.