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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Children Listen
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Children Listen
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Children Listen
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Children Listen
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Children Listen
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Children Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Children Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mom or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Children Listen
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Children Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Children Listen
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Children Listen
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Children Listen
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Children Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Listen
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Children Listen
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