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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Children Not Listening
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Children Not Listening
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Children Not Listening
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Children Not Listening
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Children Not Listening
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Children Not Listening
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Children Not Listening
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Children Not Listening
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Children Not Listening
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Children Not Listening
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Children Not Listening
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Children Not Listening
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Children Not Listening
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Children Not Listening
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Children Not Listening
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.