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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Children Screams
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Children Screams
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Children Screams
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Children Screams
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Children Screams
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Children Screams
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Children Screams
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Children Screams
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling below it
• Many angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Children Screams
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Children Screams
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Children Screams
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Children Screams
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Children Screams
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Children Screams
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Children Screams
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