Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Children Spiritual
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Children Spiritual
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Children Spiritual
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Children Spiritual
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Children Spiritual
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Children Spiritual
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Children Spiritual
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (as well as extra common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Children Spiritual
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Children Spiritual
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Children Spiritual
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Children Spiritual
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Children Spiritual
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Children Spiritual
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Spiritual
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Children Spiritual
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.