Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Children Spirituality
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Children Spirituality
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Children Spirituality
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Children Spirituality
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Children Spirituality
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Children Spirituality
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Children Spirituality
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Children Spirituality
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Children Spirituality
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Children Spirituality
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Children Spirituality
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Children Spirituality
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Children Spirituality
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Spirituality
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Children Spirituality
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.