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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Children Watching To Much Tv
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Children Watching To Much Tv
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Children Watching To Much Tv
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Children Watching To Much Tv
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Children Watching To Much Tv
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Children Watching To Much Tv
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Children Watching To Much Tv
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Children Watching To Much Tv
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Children Watching To Much Tv
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Children Watching To Much Tv
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Children Watching To Much Tv
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Children Watching To Much Tv
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Children Watching To Much Tv
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Watching To Much Tv
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Children Watching To Much Tv
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