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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Children Watching Too Much Tv
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Children Watching Too Much Tv
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Children Watching Too Much Tv
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Children Watching Too Much Tv
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Children Watching Too Much Tv
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Children Watching Too Much Tv
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Children Watching Too Much Tv
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Children Watching Too Much Tv
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Children Watching Too Much Tv
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Children Watching Too Much Tv
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Children Watching Too Much Tv
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Children Watching Too Much Tv
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Children Watching Too Much Tv
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Watching Too Much Tv
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Children Watching Too Much Tv
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.