Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Providing your children every little thing they want Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-control

• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mom or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, and assist your child to reach his or her full potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it

• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful


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