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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Children Yelling
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Children Yelling
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Children Yelling
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Children Yelling
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Children Yelling
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Children Yelling
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Children Yelling
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Children Yelling
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Children Yelling
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Children Yelling
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Children Yelling
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Children Yelling
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Children Yelling
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Children Yelling
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Children Yelling
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