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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Chores And Allowance
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Chores And Allowance
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Chores And Allowance
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Chores And Allowance
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Chores And Allowance
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Chores And Allowance
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Chores And Allowance
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mom or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Chores And Allowance
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main emotion below it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Chores And Allowance
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Chores And Allowance
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Chores And Allowance
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Chores And Allowance
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Chores And Allowance
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Chores And Allowance
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Chores And Allowance
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.