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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Chores Peaceful Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Chores Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Chores Peaceful Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Chores Peaceful Parenting
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Chores Peaceful Parenting
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Chores Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Chores Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Chores Peaceful Parenting
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Chores Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Chores Peaceful Parenting
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Chores Peaceful Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Chores Peaceful Parenting
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Chores Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Chores Peaceful Parenting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Chores Peaceful Parenting
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