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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Class Meetings
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Class Meetings
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Class Meetings
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Class Meetings
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Class Meetings
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Class Meetings
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Class Meetings
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to become the mommy or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Class Meetings
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Class Meetings
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we have to want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Class Meetings
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Class Meetings
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Class Meetings
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Class Meetings
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Class Meetings
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Class Meetings
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.