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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Clingy Baby 12 Months
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Clingy Baby 12 Months
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Clingy Baby 12 Months
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Clingy Baby 12 Months
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Clingy Baby 12 Months
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Clingy Baby 12 Months
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Clingy Baby 12 Months
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Clingy Baby 12 Months
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Clingy Baby 12 Months
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Clingy Baby 12 Months
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Clingy Baby 12 Months
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Clingy Baby 12 Months
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Clingy Baby 12 Months
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Clingy Baby 12 Months
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Clingy Baby 12 Months
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