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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Connect With Children
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Connect With Children
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Connect With Children
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Connect With Children
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Connect With Children
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Connect With Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Connect With Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Connect With Children
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Connect With Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Connect With Children
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Connect With Children
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Connect With Children
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Connect With Children
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Connect With Children
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Connect With Children
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