Connect With Kids – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Behave

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Connect With Kids
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Connect With Kids

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Connect With Kids

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Connect With Kids

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Connect With Kids

Connect With Kids

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Connect With Kids

Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Connect With Kids

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Helping kids to establish self-control

• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Connect With Kids

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Below are a number of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mom or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Connect With Kids

As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling beneath it

• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Connect With Kids

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to want to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Connect With Kids

This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Connect With Kids

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Connect With Kids

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Connect With Kids

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Connect With Kids

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Connect With Kids


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