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When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Connecting Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Connecting Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Connecting Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development Connecting Parenting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Connecting Parenting
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Connecting Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always produces far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Connecting Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Connecting Parenting
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Connecting Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we have to agree to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Connecting Parenting
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Connecting Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Connecting Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Connecting Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Connecting Parenting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Connecting Parenting
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