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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Consequences For Talking Back
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Consequences For Talking Back
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Consequences For Talking Back
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development Consequences For Talking Back
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Consequences For Talking Back
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Consequences For Talking Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Consequences For Talking Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to become the mama or father you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Consequences For Talking Back
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Consequences For Talking Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Consequences For Talking Back
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Consequences For Talking Back
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Consequences For Talking Back
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Consequences For Talking Back
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Consequences For Talking Back
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Consequences For Talking Back
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.