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When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always generates better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to want to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Consequences Of Raising Entitled Child
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