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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Consequences Of Stealing
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Consequences Of Stealing
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Consequences Of Stealing
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Consequences Of Stealing
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Consequences Of Stealing
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Consequences Of Stealing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always yields better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Consequences Of Stealing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Consequences Of Stealing
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Consequences Of Stealing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Consequences Of Stealing
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Consequences Of Stealing
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Consequences Of Stealing
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Consequences Of Stealing
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Consequences Of Stealing
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Consequences Of Stealing
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