Count To Three – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Behave

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

Count To Three
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Count To Three

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Count To Three

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Count To Three

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.

I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Count To Three

Count To Three

Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Count To Three

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding major misbehavior

• Offering your children whatever they want Count To Three

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces much better lasting results than harsh control.

Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Count To Three

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mommy or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her full potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can progress a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Count To Three

For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling below it

• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Count To Three

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Count To Three

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Count To Three

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Count To Three

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Count To Three

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Count To Three

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Count To Three


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!