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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Course For Parents
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Course For Parents
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Course For Parents
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Course For Parents
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Course For Parents
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Course For Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Course For Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Course For Parents
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Course For Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must agree to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Course For Parents
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Course For Parents
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Course For Parents
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Course For Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Course For Parents
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Course For Parents
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.