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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Courseforparents.Com
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Courseforparents.Com
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Courseforparents.Com
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Courseforparents.Com
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Courseforparents.Com
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Courseforparents.Com
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Courseforparents.Com
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Courseforparents.Com
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Courseforparents.Com
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Courseforparents.Com
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Courseforparents.Com
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Courseforparents.Com
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Courseforparents.Com
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Courseforparents.Com
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Courseforparents.Com
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.