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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Cranky 3 Year Old
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Cranky 3 Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Cranky 3 Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Cranky 3 Year Old
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Cranky 3 Year Old
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Cranky 3 Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always yields better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Cranky 3 Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Cranky 3 Year Old
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Cranky 3 Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we must agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Cranky 3 Year Old
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Cranky 3 Year Old
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Cranky 3 Year Old
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Cranky 3 Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Cranky 3 Year Old
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Cranky 3 Year Old
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