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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Crazy Things Kids Say
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Crazy Things Kids Say
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Crazy Things Kids Say
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Crazy Things Kids Say
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Crazy Things Kids Say
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Crazy Things Kids Say
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Crazy Things Kids Say
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Crazy Things Kids Say
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Crazy Things Kids Say
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we must agree to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Crazy Things Kids Say
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Crazy Things Kids Say
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Crazy Things Kids Say
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Crazy Things Kids Say
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Crazy Things Kids Say
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Crazy Things Kids Say
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