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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always generates better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. D.W. The Picky Eater Episode
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