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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Dealing With Sibling Fighting
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Dealing With Sibling Fighting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Dealing With Sibling Fighting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Dealing With Sibling Fighting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Dealing With Sibling Fighting
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Dealing With Sibling Fighting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Dealing With Sibling Fighting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (as well as more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Dealing With Sibling Fighting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Dealing With Sibling Fighting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we have to agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Dealing With Sibling Fighting
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Dealing With Sibling Fighting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Dealing With Sibling Fighting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Dealing With Sibling Fighting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dealing With Sibling Fighting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Dealing With Sibling Fighting
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