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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Dealing With Strict Parents
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Dealing With Strict Parents
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Dealing With Strict Parents
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Dealing With Strict Parents
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Dealing With Strict Parents
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Dealing With Strict Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Dealing With Strict Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Dealing With Strict Parents
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Dealing With Strict Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Dealing With Strict Parents
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Dealing With Strict Parents
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Dealing With Strict Parents
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Dealing With Strict Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dealing With Strict Parents
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Dealing With Strict Parents
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