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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Dealing With Terrible Twos
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Dealing With Terrible Twos
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Dealing With Terrible Twos
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Dealing With Terrible Twos
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Dealing With Terrible Twos
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Dealing With Terrible Twos
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Dealing With Terrible Twos
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Dealing With Terrible Twos
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Dealing With Terrible Twos
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Dealing With Terrible Twos
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Dealing With Terrible Twos
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Dealing With Terrible Twos
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Dealing With Terrible Twos
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Dealing With Terrible Twos
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Dealing With Terrible Twos
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