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When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Dealing With Toddler Hitting
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Dealing With Toddler Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Dealing With Toddler Hitting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Dealing With Toddler Hitting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Dealing With Toddler Hitting
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Dealing With Toddler Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Dealing With Toddler Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Dealing With Toddler Hitting
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Dealing With Toddler Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Dealing With Toddler Hitting
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Dealing With Toddler Hitting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Dealing With Toddler Hitting
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Dealing With Toddler Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Dealing With Toddler Hitting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Dealing With Toddler Hitting
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