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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Defiant 2 Year Old
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Defiant 2 Year Old
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Defiant 2 Year Old
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Defiant 2 Year Old
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Defiant 2 Year Old
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Defiant 2 Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Defiant 2 Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Defiant 2 Year Old
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling below it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Defiant 2 Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Defiant 2 Year Old
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Defiant 2 Year Old
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Defiant 2 Year Old
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Defiant 2 Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Defiant 2 Year Old
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Defiant 2 Year Old
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