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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Define Picky Eater
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Define Picky Eater
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Define Picky Eater
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Define Picky Eater
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Define Picky Eater
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Define Picky Eater
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always generates better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Define Picky Eater
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Define Picky Eater
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Define Picky Eater
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Define Picky Eater
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Define Picky Eater
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Define Picky Eater
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Define Picky Eater
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Define Picky Eater
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Define Picky Eater
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.