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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Define Positive Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Define Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Define Positive Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Define Positive Parenting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Define Positive Parenting
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Define Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Define Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Define Positive Parenting
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Define Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we must agree to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Define Positive Parenting
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Define Positive Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Define Positive Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Define Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Define Positive Parenting
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Define Positive Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.