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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Dicipline Child
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Dicipline Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Dicipline Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Dicipline Child
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Dicipline Child
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Dicipline Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Dicipline Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Dicipline Child
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Dicipline Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we should be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Dicipline Child
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Dicipline Child
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Dicipline Child
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Dicipline Child
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Dicipline Child
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Dicipline Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.