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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Dicipline Your Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Dicipline Your Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Dicipline Your Child
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Dicipline Your Child
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Dicipline Your Child
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Dicipline Your Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Dicipline Your Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Dicipline Your Child
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Dicipline Your Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Dicipline Your Child
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Dicipline Your Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Dicipline Your Child
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Dicipline Your Child
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Dicipline Your Child
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Dicipline Your Child
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