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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Difficult 3 Year Old
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Difficult 3 Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Difficult 3 Year Old
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Difficult 3 Year Old
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Difficult 3 Year Old
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Difficult 3 Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Difficult 3 Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Difficult 3 Year Old
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Difficult 3 Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Difficult 3 Year Old
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Difficult 3 Year Old
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Difficult 3 Year Old
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Difficult 3 Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Difficult 3 Year Old
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Difficult 3 Year Old
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