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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Difficult Three Year Old
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Difficult Three Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Difficult Three Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Difficult Three Year Old
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Difficult Three Year Old
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Difficult Three Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Difficult Three Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Difficult Three Year Old
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Difficult Three Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Difficult Three Year Old
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Difficult Three Year Old
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Difficult Three Year Old
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Difficult Three Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Difficult Three Year Old
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Difficult Three Year Old
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