Disciplina Positiva – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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Disciplina Positiva
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Disciplina Positiva

There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Disciplina Positiva

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Disciplina Positiva

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Disciplina Positiva

Disciplina Positiva

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Disciplina Positiva

Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Disciplina Positiva

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-term outcomes than forced control.

Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Helping kids to develop self-restraint

• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Disciplina Positiva

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or father you’ve always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Disciplina Positiva

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion underneath it

• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Disciplina Positiva

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we need to want to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Disciplina Positiva

This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Disciplina Positiva

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Disciplina Positiva

Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.

Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Disciplina Positiva

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Disciplina Positiva

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Disciplina Positiva


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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