Discipline A Teen – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Discipline A Teen
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Discipline A Teen

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Discipline A Teen

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Discipline A Teen

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Discipline A Teen

Discipline A Teen

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? Discipline A Teen

Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they ask for Discipline A Teen

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently generates better lasting results than harsh control.

Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline

• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Discipline A Teen

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mama or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Discipline A Teen

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling underneath it

• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Discipline A Teen

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Discipline A Teen

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Discipline A Teen

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Discipline A Teen

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline A Teen

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline A Teen

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Discipline A Teen


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