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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Discipline App
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Discipline App
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Discipline App
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Discipline App
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Discipline App
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Discipline App
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Discipline App
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Discipline App
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Discipline App
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Discipline App
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Discipline App
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Discipline App
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline App
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline App
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Discipline App
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.