Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Discipline Aspergers Child
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Discipline Aspergers Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Discipline Aspergers Child
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Discipline Aspergers Child
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Discipline Aspergers Child
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Discipline Aspergers Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Discipline Aspergers Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Discipline Aspergers Child
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling under it
• Most upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Discipline Aspergers Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Discipline Aspergers Child
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Discipline Aspergers Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Discipline Aspergers Child
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline Aspergers Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline Aspergers Child
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Discipline Aspergers Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.