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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Discipline Child Development
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Discipline Child Development
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Discipline Child Development
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Discipline Child Development
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Discipline Child Development
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Discipline Child Development
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Discipline Child Development
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Discipline Child Development
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion below it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Discipline Child Development
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Discipline Child Development
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Discipline Child Development
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Discipline Child Development
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline Child Development
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline Child Development
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Discipline Child Development
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.