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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Discipline Child Jacob Miller
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Discipline Child Jacob Miller
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Discipline Child Jacob Miller
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Discipline Child Jacob Miller
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Discipline Child Jacob Miller
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Discipline Child Jacob Miller
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Discipline Child Jacob Miller
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Discipline Child Jacob Miller
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Discipline Child Jacob Miller
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Discipline Child Jacob Miller
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Discipline Child Jacob Miller
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Discipline Child Jacob Miller
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline Child Jacob Miller
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline Child Jacob Miller
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Discipline Child Jacob Miller
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