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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Discipline For Pre Teenagers
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Discipline For Pre Teenagers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Discipline For Pre Teenagers
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Discipline For Pre Teenagers
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Discipline For Pre Teenagers
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Discipline For Pre Teenagers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Discipline For Pre Teenagers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Discipline For Pre Teenagers
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Discipline For Pre Teenagers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to agree to offer first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Discipline For Pre Teenagers
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Discipline For Pre Teenagers
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Discipline For Pre Teenagers
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline For Pre Teenagers
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline For Pre Teenagers
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Discipline For Pre Teenagers
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