Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Discipline For Teen
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Discipline For Teen
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Discipline For Teen
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Discipline For Teen
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Discipline For Teen
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Discipline For Teen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Discipline For Teen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Discipline For Teen
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling below it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Discipline For Teen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Discipline For Teen
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Discipline For Teen
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Discipline For Teen
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline For Teen
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline For Teen
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Discipline For Teen
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.