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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Discipline Kid
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Discipline Kid
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Discipline Kid
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Discipline Kid
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Discipline Kid
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Discipline Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Discipline Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and extra common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Discipline Kid
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Discipline Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we should agree to give first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Discipline Kid
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Discipline Kid
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Discipline Kid
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Discipline Kid
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Discipline Kid
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.