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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Discipline Kids
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Discipline Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Discipline Kids
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Discipline Kids
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Discipline Kids
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Discipline Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Discipline Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Discipline Kids
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion under it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Discipline Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Discipline Kids
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Discipline Kids
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Discipline Kids
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Discipline Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Discipline Kids
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Discipline Kids
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