Discipline My Child – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Behave

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Discipline My Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Discipline My Child

There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Discipline My Child

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Discipline My Child

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Discipline My Child

Discipline My Child

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Discipline My Child

First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Discipline My Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Helping kids to develop self-restraint

• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Discipline My Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Below are a number of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mother or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Discipline My Child

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion underneath it

• Most angry children are actually scared and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.

• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Discipline My Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Discipline My Child

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Discipline My Child

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Discipline My Child

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline My Child

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Discipline My Child

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Discipline My Child


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