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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Discipline Strategies For Teens
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Discipline Strategies For Teens
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Discipline Strategies For Teens
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Discipline Strategies For Teens
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Discipline Strategies For Teens
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Discipline Strategies For Teens
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Discipline Strategies For Teens
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Discipline Strategies For Teens
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling under it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Discipline Strategies For Teens
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Discipline Strategies For Teens
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Discipline Strategies For Teens
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Discipline Strategies For Teens
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Discipline Strategies For Teens
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Discipline Strategies For Teens
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Discipline Strategies For Teens
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.