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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Discipline Techniques
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Discipline Techniques
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Discipline Techniques
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy child development Discipline Techniques
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Discipline Techniques
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Discipline Techniques
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Discipline Techniques
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Discipline Techniques
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Discipline Techniques
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Discipline Techniques
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Discipline Techniques
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Discipline Techniques
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Discipline Techniques
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Discipline Techniques
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Discipline Techniques
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